Bullying among children is aggressive behavior that is intentional and that involves an imbalance of power or strength. Typically, it is repeated over time. Bullying can take many forms, such as hitting and/or punching (physical bullying); teasing or name-calling(verbal bullying); intimidation using gestures or social exclusion (nonverbal bullying or emotional bullying); and sending insulting messages by phone or computer e-mail (cyberbullying).* Many children, particularly boys and older children, do not tell their parents or adults at school about being bullied. It is important that adults are vigilant to possible signs of bullying.

Warning signs
Possible warning signs that a child is being bullied:

• Comes home with torn, damaged, or missing pieces of clothing, books, or other belongings;
• Has unexplained cuts, bruises, and scratches;
• Has few, if any friends, with whom he or she spends time;
• Seems afraid of going to school, walking to and from school, riding the school bus, or taking part in organized activities with peers (such as clubs);
• Takes a long, "illogical" route when walking to or from school;
• Has lost interest in school work or suddenly begins to do poorly in school;
• Appears sad, moody, teary, or depressed when he or she comes home;
• Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or other physical ailments;
• Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams;
• Experiences a loss of appetite; or
• Appears anxious and suffers from low self-esteem.

What to do if you suspect that your child is being bullied?

If your child shows any of these signs, this does not necessarily mean that he or she is being bullied, but it is a possibility worth exploring. What should you do? Talk with your child and talk with staff at school to learn more.

1. Talk with your child. Tell your child that you are concerned and that you'd like to help. Here are some questions that can get the discussion going:

Some direct questions:

• "I'm worried about you. Are there any kids at school who may be picking on you or bullying you?"
• "Are there any kids at school who tease you in a mean way?"'
• "Are there any kids at school who leave you out or exclude you on purpose?"

Some subtle questions:

• "Do you have any special friends at school this year? Who are they? Who do you hang out with?"
• "Who do you sit with at lunch and on the bus?"
•  "Are there any kids at school who you really don't like? Why don't you like them? Do they ever pick on you or leave you out of things?"

*Children with disabilities may be at a higher risk of being bullied than other children.

These and other materials are available online at: www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov

2. Talk with staff at your child's school. Call or set upan appointment to talk with your child's teacher. He or she will probably be in the best position to understand the relationships between your child and other peers at school. Share your concerns about your child and ask the teacher such questions as:

• "How does my child get along with other students in his or her class?"
• "With whom does he or she spend free time?"
• "Have you noticed or have you ever suspected that my child is bullied by other students?" Give examples of some ways that children can be bullied to be sure that the teacher is not focusing only on one kind of bullying (such as physical bullying).

Ask the teacher to talk with other adults who interact with your child at school (such as the music teacher, physical education teacher, or bus driver) to see whether they have observed students bullying your child. If you are not comfortable talking with your child's teacher, or if you are not satisfied with the conversation, make an appointment to meet with your child's guidance counselor or principal to discuss your concerns. If you obtain information from your child or from staff at your child's school that leads you to believe that he or she is being bullied, take quick action. Bullying can have serious effects on children. If, after talking with your child and staff at his or her school, you don't suspect that your child is being bullied, stay vigilant to other possible problems that your child may be having. Some of the warning signs above (e.g., depression, social isolation, and loss of interest in school) may be signs of other serious problems. Share your concerns with a counselor at your child's school.

References
Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at school: What we know and what we can do. NY: Blackwell.
Olweus, D., Limber, S., & Mihalic, S. (1999). The Bullying Prevention Program: Blueprints for violence prevention. Boulder, CO: Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence.

Respect yourself, respect others and respect our school!

Bobcats Don't Bully!

Bully Rules

1. We will not bully other students
2. We will help students who are bullied
3. We will make it a point to include students who are easily left out.
4. When we know someone is being bullied, we will tell a teacher or an adult at home.

What to Do if Your Child is Being Bullied

Reporting bullying to parents

Children frequently do not tell their parents that they are being bullied because they are embarrassed, ashamed, frightened of the children who are bullying them, or afraid of being seen as a "tattler." If your child tells you about being bullied, it has taken a lot of courage to do so. Your child needs your help to stop the bullying.

1. First, focus on your child. Be supportive and gather information about the bullying.

• Never tell your child to ignore the bullying. What the child may "hear" is that you are going to ignore it. If the child were able to simply ignore it, he or she likely would not have told you about it. Often, trying to ignore bullying allows it to become more serious.
• Don't blame the child who is being bullied. Don't assume that your child did something to provoke the bullying. Don't say, "What did you do to aggravate the other child?"
• Listen carefully to what your child tells you about the bullying. Ask him or her to describe who was involved and how and where each bullying episode happened.
• Learn as much as you can about the bullying tactics used, and when and where the bullying happened. Can your child name other children or adults who may have witnessed the bullying?
• Empathize with your child. Tell him/her that bullying is wrong, not their fault, and that you are glad he or she had the courage to tell you about it. Ask your child what he or she thinks can be done to help. Assure him or her that you will think about what needs to be done and you will let him or her know what you are going to do.
• If you disagree with how your child handled the bullying situation, don't criticize him or her.
• Do not encourage physical retaliation ("Just hit them back") as a solution. Hitting another student is not likely to end the problem, and it could get your child suspended or expelled or escalate the situation.
• Check your emotions. A parent's protective instincts stir strong emotions. Although it is difficult, a parent is wise to step back and consider the next steps carefully.

2. Contact your child's teacher or principal.

• Parents are often reluctant to report bullying to school officials, but bullying may not stop without the help of adults.
• Keep your emotions in check. Give factual information about your child's experience of being bullied including who, what, when, where, and how.
• Emphasize that you want to work with the staff at school to find a solution to stop the bullying, for the sake of your child as well as other students.
• Do not contact the parents of the student(s) who bullied your child. This is usually a parent's first response, but sometimes it makes matters worse.School officials should contact the parents of the child or children who did the bullying.
• Expect the bullying to stop. Talk regularly with your child and with school staff to see whether the bullying has stopped. If the bullying persists, contact school authorities again.

3. Help your child become more resilient to bullying.

• Help to develop talents or positive attributes of your child. Suggest and facilitate music, athletics, and art activities. Doing so may help your child be more confident among his or her peers.
• Encourage your child to make contact with friendly students in his or her class. Your child's teacher may be able to suggest students with whom your child can make friends, spend time, or collaborate on work.
• Help your child meet new friends outside of the school environment. A new environment can provide a "fresh start" for a child who has been bullied repeatedly.
• Teach your child safety strategies. Teach him or her how to seek help from an adult when feeling threatened by a bully. Talk about whom he or she should go to for help and role-play what he or she should say. Assure your child that reporting bullying is not the same as tattling.
• Ask yourself if your child is being bullied because of a learning difficulty or a lack of social skills? If your child is hyperactive, impulsive, or overly talkative, the child who bullies may be reacting out of annoyance. This doesn't make the bullying right, but it may help to explain why your child is being bullied. If your child easily irritates people, seek help from a counselor so that your child can better learn the informal social rules of his or her peer group.
• Home is where the heart is. Make sure your child has a safe and loving home environment where he or she can take shelter, physically and emotionally. Always maintain open lines of communication with your child.

References

Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying At school: What we know and what we can do. Cambridge, MA: Blackwell.
Snyder, J. M. (February, 2003) What Parents Can Do About Childhood Bullying. Schwab Learning Center, (www.schwablearning.org) Charles and Helen Schwab Foundation. Retrieved August 12, 2005, from http://www.schwablearning.org/articles.asp?r=697
What Parents Should Know about Bullying (2002). Prevention Child Abuse America Publication. South Deerfiled, MA. (1-800-835-2671.

Bascomb's website on "Respect" (A bullying resource page)
http://webtech.cherokee.k12.ga.us/bascomb-es/respect/

Children's Literature About Bullying

Kindergarten

• Henkes, K. Chrysanthemum. Mulberry Books, 1996. (name calling)
• Jones, R. & B. Parks. Matthew & Tilly. Puffin, 1999. (name calling; making amends)
• Naylor, P. King of the Playground. Aladdin Paperbacks, 1994. (playground bullying; problem-solving)

Grade One

• Bottner, B. Bootsie Barker Bites. Putnam & Grosset Group, 1992. (problem-solving; assertiveness)
• Cosby, B. The Meanest Thing To Say. Cartwheel Books, 1997. (escalating teasing; dare; resisting peer pressure)
•  Couric, K. The Brand New Kid. Doubleday, 2000. (taunting; exclusion; making amends; friendship)
• Zolotow, C. William's Doll. Harper Trophy, 1985. (gender stereotypes; name calling)

Grade Two

• Brown, M. Arthur's April Fool. Little Brown & Co., 1985. (fear, intimidation)
• Cohen, B. Molly's Pilgrim. Beech Tree Books, 1998. (exclusion, discrimination)
• DePaola, T. Oliver Button is a Sissy. Harcourt, 1979. (taunting, gender-role issues)
• Lester, H. Hooway for Wadney Wat. Walter Lorraine Books, 1999. (taunting, name-calling, retaliation)
• White, E.B. Charlotte's Web. Harper, 1952. (friendship, courage, exclusion)

Grade Three

• Bosch, C. Bully on the Bus. Parenting Press, 1988. (taunting, fighting)
•  Blume, J. Iggy's House. Dell, 1970. (barriers, problem-solving)
• Carlson, N.L. Annie and the Skateboard Gang. Viking Children's Books, 1995. (risky dare, resisting peer pressure)
• Coles, R. The Story of Ruby Bridges. Scholastic Trade, 1995. (courage, exclusion, discrimination)
• McCain, B. R. Nobody Knew What To Do. Albert Whitman, 2001. (teasing, problem-solving, courage)
• Moss, M. Amelia Takes Command. Pleasant Company, 2001.
• Smith, D.K. Babe-The Galant Pig. Random House, 1997. (exclusion, friendship, courage, bystanders)
• Yashima, T. Crow Boy. Viking Press, 1976. (name calling, exclusion, class issues, developmental differences)

Grade Four

• Baum, F. Wizard of Oz. Holt, Rinehart & Winston, 1982. (courage, intimidation)
• Carroll, L. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. St. Martin's Press, 1976. (rules, boundaries)
• Dahl, R. Boy: Tales of Childhood. Puffin, 2001. (all forms of bullying, courage, retaliation, boy culture)
• Estes, E. The Hundred Dresses. Voyager, 1972. (exclusion, bystander actions, discrimination, gender stereotypes, girl culture)
• Mohr, N. Felita. Puffin, 1979. (exclusion, friendship, class and ethnic discrimination, name-calling)
• Paterson, K. Bridge to Terablithia. Harper Trophy, 1987. (bullying, friendship, courage)
• Perez, L.K. First Day in Grapes. Lee & Low Books, 2002. (exclusion, courage, class discrimination)

Grade Five

• Aesop. The Classic Treasury of Aesop's Fables. Courage Books, 1999. (bullying, friendship, bystanders)
• Bloom. J. Blubber. Dell, 1978. (friendship, girl culture/bullying)
• Bridges, R. Through My Eyes. Scholastic Trade, 1999. (courage)
• Golenbock, P. Teammates. Harcourt Brace & Co., 1990. (courage, racial discrimination, exclusion based on race)
• Lowry, L. The Giver. Houghton Mifflin, 1993. (peer pressure, bullying, friendship)
• Taylor, M. Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry. Dial Press, 1976. (boundaries, courage, discrimination)
• Twain, M. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Dutton, 1955. (friendship, bullying, violence)
•  Yolen, J. Briar Rose. T. Doherty Associates, 1992. (violence)

Grades Six through Eight

• Blorr, E. Tangerine. Scholastic Paperbacks, 2001. (bullying, boy culture, friendship, courage, boundaries)
• Kincaid, J. Annie John. Farrar, Straus, Giroux, 1985. (barriers, boundaries)
•  Lee, Harper. To Kill A Mockingbird. Warner, 1960. (friendship, lots of "isms"!)
• Lowry, L. Number the Stars. Laureleaf, 1998. (boundaries, discrimination)
• Seuss. The Sneetches and Other Stories. Random House, 1961. (peer pressure, discrimination, conformity)
• Speare, E.G. Witch of Blackbird Pond. Dell, 1978. (friendship)
•  Spinelli, J. Stargirl. Knopf, 2002. (popularity, girl culture, exclusion)
• Spinelli, J. Crash. Random House, 1997. (bullying, boy culture)
• Vonnegut, K. Harrison Bergeron from Welcome to the Monkey House. Dell Pub. Co., 1988. (courage, peer pressure)

Grades Nine through Twelve

• Atwood, M. Cat's Eye. Doubleday, 1988. (friendship, exclusion, barriers)
• Buck, P. The Good Earth. The John Day Company, 1931.
•  Frank, A. The Diary of Anne Frank. Doubleday, 1967. (friendship, boundaries)
• Gibbons, K. Ellen Foster. Vintage Books, 1988. (friendship, exclusion)
•  Huxley, A. Brave New World. Modern Library, 1946. (boundaries, social strata)
• Jacques, B. Mossflower from The Redwall Series. Ace Books, 1998. (social hierarchies, bullying, courage, boundaries, friendship)
• Steinbeck, J. Of Mice and Men. Econoclad Books, 1996. (friendship, differences, violence)

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